#humor

I'm a registered Republican, I only seem liberal because I believe that hurricanes are caused by high barometric pressure and not gay marriage. ↗

— Aaron Sorkin

#liberal #republican #the-newsroom #humor

[how can anyone] be silly enough to think himself better than other people, because his clothes are made of finer woolen thread than theirs. After all, those fine clothes were once worn by a sheep, and they never turned it into anything better than a sheep. ↗

— Thomas More

#fashion #humorous #renaissance #humor

Crow paced back and forth, his form flickering like flame. “It’s been a thousand years, Alister. I never intended for anyone to find it, so it’s very well protected. One little misstep, and you and my line will be history.” “Since when are you so concerned about your line?” Han said. Crow stared at him for a long moment. “Since I found out I had one, ↗

— Cinda Williams Chima

#han #humor #humor

No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is...beastly. ↗

— Victoria Scott

#lol #sarcasm-humor #humor

TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#technology #humor

One does not have humor. It has you. ↗

— Larry Gelbart

#humor #humor

She couldn’t take her eyes from the dancing flame. No, this was so wrong. Candles should be used for meditation…for romance. Or on a birthday cake at least. So where was the cake? The present? The song? As he stepped closer to her—as the damned flame got way too close—she started singing. “Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me…” Marcus paused, looking at her in disbelief. See. I knew he didn’t have a sense of humor. “Happy birthday, dear Gabi”—she lifted her head and blew out the candle—“happy birthday to me. ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#erotica #make-me-sir #humor

She has ESB,” I say. Chloe rolls her eyes. “ESP you mean?” “No, ESB. Extrasensory Bitchyness. ↗

— Jody Gehrman

#humor

Part of her doing suicide intervention is my caseworker has to mix me another gin and tonic. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor

Don't you see Blaynie." Mitch put his arm around her shoulders. "You're like an illegitimate little sister that I never wanted. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#shelly-laurenston #humor