#humor

To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader."- Capt. Bligh(ret.) ↗

— Robert Lynn Asprin

#leadership #faith

Dear lord, the flash of his gleaming white teeth was like a hot button to my nether regions. Down vagina! Down, girl.” Bad Rep by A. Meredith Walters ↗

— A. Meredith Walters

#funny

I keep my feet candy-coated because I never know when one or both of them will wind up in my mouth. ↗

— Linda Yezak

#humor

Pathetic, huh?” He learned that word from me. “Yeah. It’s like the opposite of a fish, right? ↗

— Hannah Moskowitz

#humor

Here are the Top Ten things that your parents say to you: -Is that all you're going to do all day, sit in front of the computer? -When I was your age I had two jobs. -Why don't you wear some clothes that fir for a change? -Turn it down. I can hear it all the way over here. -You're not eating that for dinner. -Did you do your homework? -Stop mumbling and speak up. -Now what did you do? -Because I said so. -No. ↗

— Charles Benoit

#truth #age

Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith. ↗

— Leslie Nielsen

#funny #humor #locksmith #funny

The only way to be completely self-consistent is to be constantly uttering paradoxes. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #paradox #funny

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#humor

I was tanned, happy, and blowing a kiss to Cary, who’d playacted the role of a highfashion photographer by calling out ridiculous encouragements. Beautiful, dahling. Show me sassy. Show me sexy. Brilliant. Show me catty…rawr… ↗

— Sylvia Day

#humor #beauty

Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #illegality #funny