#humor

I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care. ↗

— Briana Blair

#humor #sarcasm #humor

Fone Bone: HOLD IT! Thorn thinks Gran'ma Ben can help us get back to Boneville! Phoney Bone: IT'S NOT WORTH IT! LET GO OF ME! Fone Bone: Would you wait a minute?!! We can explain everything! Phoney Bone: HELP! HELP! They've destroyed my cousin's brain!! OH MY GOSH! THey've already milked you haven't they?!! ↗

— Jeff Smith

#humor

I think I just had an evilgasm. ↗

— Rich Burlew

#humor

I had made her so unhappy that she had developed a sense of humor. [-Rabo Karabekian] ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#rabo-karebekian #wife #wives #humor

The tree man eulogized them by screaming, 'And now get the hell out of here with your tree, you lousy bastards.' Francie had heard swearing since she had heard words. Obscenity and profanity had no meaning as such among those people. They were emotional expressions of inarticulate people with small vocabularies; they made a kind of dialect. The phrases could mean many things according to the expression and tone used in saying them. So now, when Francie heard themselves called lousy bastards, she smiled tremulously at the kind man. She knew that he was really saying, 'Good-bye--God bless you. ↗

— Betty Smith

#humor

Jesus was a good guy, he didn't need this shit. ↗

— John Prine

#jesus #humor

there is only one type of people on this planet: morons there are, however, two types of morons : one knows and the other is in denial ↗

— L. F. Aday

#humor

There, I was just a secretary-shaped confederation of atoms, fighting the inevitability of mediocrity and decay. But here, in the Juliaverse... energy was never lost, merely converted from one form to another. Here, I took butter and cream and meat and eggs and I made delicious sustenance. ↗

— Julie Powell

#humor #humor

He tugged on an imaginary rope,somewhere on the level of his ear, and then jerked his neck to one side, tongue protruding, eyes bulging. As quick pantomimes went, it was disturbing. And then he let go of the rope and smiled his familiar grin. Would you like some potato salad? ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

What did people do before they could go online and find answers to secret problems? Oh right, they killed themselves ↗

— Davida Wills Hurwin

#humor