#humor

...Come on let’s see the degree.” Katherine unrolled her scroll displaying a long declaration in Latin affixed with a red seal proclaiming her a Master of Art. “Imagine working for years to obtain a piece of paper we can hardly read ” Katherine joked. “And to officially declare you have talent ” Suzy returned. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#college-degree #credentials #degree #funny #humor

When someone hands you a broom, get a few buckets of paint. That is how a janitor becomes an impressionist. If the 19th century French style could improve upon nature, it can make your floor look clean. ↗

— Bauvard

#brooms #cleaning #custodians #funny #humor

There is no end to the story. Isn’t it amazing that something is really, really important one moment, and then minutes later it has lost all importance? What happened? It seems like it’s gone away. It’s been diffused. Amazing. ↗

— Art Hochberg

#inspirational #art

When you get to a point where there’s absolutely nothing you can count on in this world, you’re home free. ↗

— Art Hochberg

#inspirational #art

For a man, he has to learn how to get along without a woman for periods of time. For a woman, she has to learn how to get along without a man for periods of time. That’s how men and women learn to be able to get along with each other. ↗

— Art Hochberg

#inspirational #art

Jihadist: A man born into wanderlust who tries to grow roots by planting weeds; Death's freedom fighter. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #jihad #terrorism #death

Mein gutes altes kroatisches Herz beschleunigte von Walzer zu Death Metal. ↗

— Hallgrímur Helgason

#music #death

Arrows give life direction. And if one goes through your heart, it can even point you towards death. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #death

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle. "That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed. "It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor #humor

Cal: "I'm really sorry, Professor, but how do you explain these ? Swiss Cake Rolls. That doesn't rhyme; it's not cute; it's not childlike. And this is one of our most-respected snack foods, is it not? How is that, Professor? Hmmm?" Eliot: "Well, isn't it obvious? We trust the Swiss for their ability to engineer things, to build with precision." Cal: "We do?" Eliot: "Do I even have to mention Swiss watches? Swiss Army knives? Swiss cheese? If anyone can build a non-threatening, non-lethal snack cake, it's the Swiss. They're neutral, we can trust them not to attack us with trans-fatty acids and sugar. I think you would feel differently if they were German Cake Rolls. North Korean Cake Rolls. I bet you wouldn't eat them." Cal: "I bet I would. ↗

— Brad Barkley

#cal #calliope #eliot #heather-hepler #humor