#humor

It was too bad, but sometimes a little knowledge could ruin your whole day, or at least take off some of the shine. ↗

— Jacqueline Kelly

#humor

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

He's one fry short of a Happy Meal. ↗

— Rush Limbaugh

#intellect #intelligence #obama #humor

THE FINAL TOUCH Portrait of nobody in particular Idiots are really one hundred per cent when they are also intelligent. ↗

— Piet Hein

#piet-hein #intelligence

In truth, he had always considered the sight of men eating croissants slightly ridiculous, especially at the beginning, when for the first bite they had to maneuver the point of the crescent into their mouths. No matter what a person did, he ended up with an asymmetrical mouthful of pastry, which he then had to relocate with his tongue to a more central location. This made him look less purposive than he might. Also, croissants were more apt than other breakfast foods to spray little flakes all over one’s clean dark suit. Art himself had accordingly never ordered a croissant in any working situation, and he believed that attention to this sort of detail was how it was that he had not lost his job like so many of his colleagues. ↗

— Gish Jen

#humorous #art

If death petrifies you, do something to ensure your likeness will survive in more than just photographs. Drown yourself in a swamp. ↗

— Bauvard

#fossils #funny #humor #death

If it weren’t for love, poets would all be out of a job. As it is, they starve to death and write profound thoughts about that deep, deep feeling. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #love #death

The movie of my life must be really low budget. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#life-and-living #humor

-“Say no more,” Leif interrupted. “I understand. I will simply have to kill them all myself.” -"There he goes again. I’m telling you, Danny Elfman would love to get hold of those lines." -"Not John Williams?" -"If you’ve got some hopelessly overmatched heroes fighting evil and some Imperial types marching, John Williams is your guy. You need a song to make people reach for a box of Kleenex, talk to Randy Newman. But if you want creepy atmospherics and spine-shivering chords to back up your casual death threats, you gotta bring in Danny Elfman. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#death

Until that moment, I hadn’t realized that I embarked on the project of touring historic sites and monuments having to do with the assassinations of Lincoln, Garfield, and McKinley right around the time my country iffily went off to war, which is to say right around the time my resentment of the current president cranked up into contempt. Not that I want the current president killed. Like that director, I will, for the record (and for the FBI agent assigned to read this and make sure I mean no harm – hello there), clearly state that while I am obsessed with death, I am against it. ↗

— Sarah Vowell

#death