#humor

I suggest we depict penguins as callous and unfeeling creatures who insist on bringing up their children in what is little more than a large chest freezer. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#penguins #humor

I’ve heard it said: ‘By his home you shall know him’; and we all know that we must pay attention to anyone who reverses the subject and auxiliary verb in his sentence. ↗

— Steven Brust

#humor

Im studying jerkoffs in the wild," Ben answered dryly. "This seemed like a good chance to view one up close. ↗

— Kathy Reichs

#humor #humor

Luck is a woman. She's drawn to those that least deserve her. ↗

— Joe Abercrombie

#luck #women #humor

Will speechless for once, a glass of water frozen halfway to his lips ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#will-herondale #humor

Don''t headbutt the sun, idiot. ↗

— Wheezywaiter

#obvious #ridiculous #humor

Still trying to save the world?” “Always,” I said, “and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s working. The world is still here. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#save-the-world #humor

Bookshop Customer: 'Who wrote the bible?' Customer's friend: 'Jesus. ↗

— Jen Campbell

#books #humor #humor

You have more balls than a Christmas tree. ↗

— Danielle Steel

#humor

Keep driving," said a soft voice in my ear. "She will not bite if you keep driving." Fuck that. Fuck that idea like the fucking Captain of the Thai Fuck Team fucking at the fucking Tour de Fuck. ↗

— David Wong

#horror #humor #humor