#humor

Thank God for the second amendment. ↗

— Jesse Petersen

#humor

There is a tale...It tells of the days when a blight hung over our land. Nothing prospered. Nothing flourished. Not even zucchini would grow. ↗

— Cameron Dokey

#humorous #humor

When does he ever think?" Richard straddled a chair and accepted a wind cup from Raoul. "If he were to sell his brain, he could claim it had never been used.", Chapter 7 ↗

— Sharon Kay Penman

#humor

It's already 95 degrees outside. Mississippi got the most unorganized weather in the nation. ↗

— Kathryn Stockett

#humor

Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists. ↗

— Ann Landers

#humor #humor

Leandros's favorite place had turned out not to be vegetarian, but vegan, which was for people who preferred their suicide slow. ↗

— Rob Thurman

#humor

Smells like homeless man's crotch. Not that I've ever been up close and personal with a homeless man's crotch, but... ↗

— Stacey Jay

#humor

Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Such bees! Bilbo had never seen anything like them. "If one were to sting me," He thought "I should swell up as big as I am! ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#humor #swelling #humor

I'm stupid. I can never think of something... ↗

— Piedad Ornelas

#humor #retard #sisters-in-crime #stupidity #humor