#humor

This is the way I want to die. Torn apart by angry fans who want me to play a different song. ↗

— Regina Spektor

#fans #funny #humor #songwriter #death

Sure. If she gets mugged, she can just flute them to death. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#humor #death

The smell was like chocolate and cookies and biscuits and gravy and everything else that was delicious. It damn near drove me crazy every time I had to touch one. I’d been fighting the cravings the way I’d never fought the urge to take drugs or get drunk. ↗

— Diana Rowland

#death

It looked like pieces of bread pudding that had been soaked in raspberry syrup. ↗

— Diana Rowland

#death

Fericire pentru toti, pe gratis, si hai sa nu plece nimeni suparat! ↗

— Arkady and Boris Strugatsky - Roadside Picnic

#inspirational

Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?' To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time.' The dog did nothing in the night-time.' That was the curious incident,' remarked Sherlock Holmes. ↗

— Arthur Conan Doyle

#curious #dog #humor #incident #mystery

I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box... ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #humor

It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively." If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something happens figuratively, it feels like it is happening. If you are literally jumping for joy, for instance, it means you are leaping in the air because you are very happy. If you are figuratively jumping for joy, it means you are so happy that you could jump for joy, but are saving your energy for other matters. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor #language #humor

Niall had been able to mask the odor of fairy from Eric in the restaurant, but I saw from the flare of Eric's nostrils that the intoxicating scent clung to me. Eric's eyes closed in ecstasy, and he actually licked his lips. I felt like a T-bone just out of reach of a hungry dog. "Snap out of it," I said. I wasn't in the mood. With a huge effort, Eric reigned himself in. "When you smell like that," he said, "I just wanna fuck you and bite you and rub myself all over you. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#fairies #humor #intoxication #sookie-stackhouse #vampires

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#science #humor