#humor

Authors often say that their novels are like their children, and you want your novel, just like your children, to reflect well on you. When it goes out into the world, you hope that it will make you proud. But like a parent, an author must learn that her novel has needs of its own, and they are not the same as the author's. Yes, you want your son's behavior toward women to reflect a loving relationship with his mother. However, if a woman is compelled to think about that relationship whenever they're in bed together, something has gone very very wrong. ↗

— Howard Mittelmark

#love

There’s pretty much no way for me to answer that without sounding like an asshole, so maybe you could do me a solid and not make me. ↗

— Alex Potvin

#funny-but-sad #humor #humor-relationships #relationships #relationship

I have something very important to say to you, but I can't tell you what it is. It's a very important thing, but I'll tell you another time. ↗

— Rhona Cameron

#relationship

Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me ↗

— Colin Mochrie

#relationship

Are you setting me up?" "Dear God in heaven, no! She's sworn off relationships with men, so you're safe. Besides, I don't think anything permanent would work with you." She paused. "I was thinking more along the lines of a fling." "Jesus Christ," Jake muttered, running a hand down his face. "You're pimping me out. ↗

— Ann Bruce

#men

But I want to see Clara, Charlie's friend, who's right up my street. I want to see her because I don't know where my street is; I don't even know which part of town it's in, which city, which country, so maybe she'll enable me to get my bearings. ↗

— Nick Hornby

#relationships #relationship

Is that a banana in your lunch box, or are you just pleased to see me? ↗

— H.M. Forester

#relationship

I had a dream about you. You had no skin or muscle on your face, and to try to conceal your bare skull you liberally applied lipstick and makeup. Your birthday was coming up, and I knew you were probably sensitive about parties that emphasize the aging process, so I decided to box up your gift in a coffin and wrap it with black wrapping paper. I got you the best gift ever too—a hooker, who happened to be dead, because that enabled me to procure a sizeable discount.
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

A brick could be used to attract a potential life partner. Yes indeed, and it’s how I met my ex wife. And the only reason she didn’t become my life partner was because I outlived our relationship, despite her numerous attempts to kill me. I’m 31 years old now, so thank God for modern science enabling me to achieve such longevity. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

It’s complicated. He’s not…' Human? 'He’s playing hard to get. ↗

— Nicki Elson

#humor #paranormal-romance #relationship