#humor

The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30. ↗

— Lorne Michaels

#humor #management #snl #tina-fey #funny

If my last name were Bedient, I’d want to Irishize it and have you call me O’Bedient. Of course, just because you call me, doesn’t mean I’ll come. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #irish #obedience #funny

I think all toys should be invisible. Not only would they improve children’s imaginations, but they’d also be really affordable. In fact, every toy would be free. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #invisible #toys #funny

I could not tread these perilous paths in safety, if I did not keep a saving sense of humor. ↗

— Horatio Nelson

#did #humor #i #keep #paths

Was Charles I too stubborn to listen to reason? Could Civil War have been averted if the king had been more willing to negotiate? His great enemy Cromwell always maintained that the king had been swayed at the last moment by his queen, the beautiful Henrietta Maria. We can believe Cromwell's claim that the queen told her husband to be firm. But the wicked, spiteful, altogether irresistable quote often attributed to her by Puritan writers of the time is almost certainly false. "Oh my love, if you cannot remain firm in the bedchamber, at least try to remain firm with your subjects! ↗

— Antonia Fraser

#impotence #beauty

When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #prudence #funny

If the world were coming to an end tomorrow, I’d probably call in sick to work. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#end-of-the-world #funny #humor #work #funny

I think in my case, I had no choice but to have a good sense of humor. I grew up with my dad, Danny Thomas, and George Burns and Bob Hope and Milton Berle and Sid Caesar and all those guys were at our house all the time and telling jokes and making each other laugh. ↗

— Marlo Thomas

#bob #bob hope #burns #caesar #case

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-as-hell #funny-but-sad #funny-but-true #funny-humor #hilarious

Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny