#humor

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #opening-lines #funny

Make-up? What happened? You look almost female." "Thanks. You look almost straight. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#one-liners #humor

Sucks to be left out of adolescence, sort of like getting locked in the closet on Venus when the sun appears for the first time in a hundred years. ↗

— Junot Díaz

#humor #nerdiness #ray-bradbury #science-fiction #humor

Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #mormonism #religion #robot #humor

SHAKE AND BAKE!!!!!!! ↗

— Ricky Bobby

#taladaga-nights #humor

Filled with a coward rage that dares to burn but does not dare to blaze, Lord Emsworth coughed a cough that was undisguisedly a bronchial white flag. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#wodehouse #humor

I'll call if I break a leg or get eaten by a bear." "Play like a rock." "Now?" "No, if a bear starts eating you." I thought for a moment before replying. "Do they have screaming, sobbing rocks, 'cause that's probably what I'll be doing if a bear is gnawing my arm off." "It would be difficult to just lay there and be eaten alive, huh?" "Ya think? ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #humor

It's a philosophical minefield!" Cabal had a brief mental image of Aristotle walking halfway across an open field before unexpectedly disappearing in a fireball. Descartes and Nietzsche looked on appalled. He pulled himself together. ↗

— Jonathan L. Howard

#philosophy #humor

See? That’s it,” he said, waving his hand. “That’s part of what makes us so great, Luce. I’m crazy. You’re crazy. Together, we make our own brand of crazy. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#humorous #humor

The Nevernever," she murmured, almost to herself, "I'm in the Nevernever. I'm in freaking faeryland. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#kenzie-st-james #nevernever #humor