#humor

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit. ↗

— Mel Brooks

#humor #profanity #shit #vulgarity #humor

Goodbyes, they often come in waves. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#goodbye #goodbyes #humor #waves #funny

Well, spit on my empty grave--if it ain't the attack of the Disney princesses! ↗

— Amy Plum

#humor #humor

25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying 'Where is the flaming sword that was given unto thee?' 26 And the Angel said, 'I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.' 27 And the Lord did not ask him again. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#god #heaven #humor #humor

molesting the vampire while he's too weak to fight back, iz? jace asked. i'm pretty sure that violates at least one of the accords. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

You wanted to lick my face the first time you saw me? Is that usually what you do when you’re attracted to guys?” I shake my head. “Not your face, your dimple. And no. You’re the only guy I’ve ever had the urge to lick.” He smiles at me confidently. “Good. Because you’re the only girl I’ve ever had the urge to love. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#humor

I don't like lollipops. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #humor

But this room looked like it had been decorated by the unholy lovechild of Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#humor

Screw you," I told him in a low voice. "Are you offering?” "From what I've heard, there isn't much to screw," I shot back. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope. ↗

— Robin McKinley

#vampire #villians #humor