#humor

If cats could drive, text and launch missiles, they would rule the world ↗

— Quasi

#humor

I tried to find a word for it in my thesaurus, but there isn't one. At least, not one that doesn't belittle the plight of POWs and victims of famine. I guess we can just call it beyond suck. -Lulu Dark ↗

— Bennett Madison

#sassy-teens #synonyms #humor

I tried to smile but feared I would cry. 'I always wondered what it was like to be shot.' 'Now you've lived to tell the tale. ↗

— Cameron Stracher

#humor

Life lesson 1, never tell a woman she's fat. ↗

— John Hankins

#humor

Everytime Ah see uh patch uh roses uh somethin' oversportin' theyselves makin' out they pretty, Ah tell 'em 'Ah want yuh tuh see mah Janie sometime.' You must let de flowers see yuh sometimes, heah, Janie? ↗

— Zora Neale Hurston

#love #humor

...You have any suggestions, make them. I'm in charge but humble. No need to salute when you see me." Fraser said, "Mind if we snicker every once in a while behind your back?" "Hell, no," I said. "Everyone else does. ↗

— Robert B. Parker

#humor #leadership #spenser #humor

People in trailers were canned and labeled much like the apple juice down at the plant, stamped with ingredients for all the world to see: chicken fried steak, overcooked vegetables, no working knowledge of any major Italian movie directors--the list went on and on. ↗

— David Sedaris

#naked #trailer #humor

...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this: "He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#insightful #humor

The girl in your class who suggests that this year the Drama Club put on The Bald Soprano will be a thorn in people's sides all of her life. ↗

— Fran Lebowitz

#humor #humor

There are two things you should never do alone: one is get divorced, the other is drink. ↗

— Cheryl Nielsen

#humor #wine #humor