#humor

For anyone of a rational disposition, fashion is often nearly impossible to fathom. Throughout many periods of history – perhaps most – it can seem as if the whole impulse of fashion has been to look maximally ridiculous. If one could be maximally uncomfortable as well, the triumph was all the greater. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#history #humor #humor

I’ve often wished that I had some suave and socially acceptable hobby that I could fall back on in times like this. You know, play the violin (or was it the viola) like Sherlock Holmes, or maybe twiddle away on the pipe organ like the Disney version of Captain Nemo. But I don’t. I’m sort of the arcane equivalent of a classic computer geek. I do magic, in one form or another, and that’s pretty much it. I really need to get a life, one of these days ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Shamus shrugged. “It’s all about energy exchange. It could always go the other way, me feeding a plant instead of drawing the life out of it.” “Do that often?” Shamus looked at me over his shoulder. “No.” “Why not? Have something against plants?” “No, but I haven’t met a vegetable good enough to sacrifice a year of my life for. ↗

— Devon Monk

#life

I used to have pink hair," I told Seven. "I used to have a real job," he answered. "What happened?" He shrugged. "I dyed my hair pink. What happened to you? ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#life #life

Me?" Penny's voice, surprised. "Well, I'm Penny Ngwenya, Matthew's butt-kicking, life-saving, totally awesome apprentice. Um. Hi. ↗

— Kate Griffin

#life

What would you rather have?" "Cheeseburger and a small fry. Coke classic. Better yet, dope classic." "Sure. I'll take a milkshake. What's the special flavor this week, chocolate Jack Daniels?" "Strawberry scotch." "Stick one of those paper umbrellas in mine." "Shove a syringe in mine. And a plastic tombstone. RIP, baby. He was born a rock star. He died a junkie." "Rock in peace." [...] "He wanted the world and lost his soul. [...] Sold it all for rock and roll. Lost his heart in a needle. Found his life in the grave. The road to hell is paved in marijuana leaves. Now he rocks in peace. ↗

— L.F. Blake

#drug-addiction #humor #rehab-talk #rock-star #life

I have never planned anything illegal in my life,' Aunt Augusta said. 'How could I plan anything of the kind when I have never read any of the laws and have no idea what they are? ↗

— Graham Greene

#life

Now, for the first time in my life, I empathize 100 percent with Fluff McFly. My heart is beating at hamster-speed and I am throwing my eyes around the room, looking for some way out. ↗

— Robin Sloan

#humor #nerves #stress #life

You don't even live once. ↗

— Karl Kraus

#life

Веднъж се спънах и паднах - продължи тя. - Чаках го както винаги на автобусната спирка пред павилиона, но той закъсня, и когато се зададе, автобусът вече тръгваше. Спуснахме се да го гоним, но аз паднах и си навехнах глезена. А той вика: "Горкото мече-буболече". Задето паднах, де. Горкото мече-буболече, казва. Господи, какъв мил беше. - А Лю няма ли чувство за хумор? - Какво? - Казвам, Лю няма ли чувство за хумор? - Дявол знае. Може и да има. Смее се, като гледа карикатури и разни такива. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#uncle-wiggily-in-connecticut #way-of-life #life