#humor

Just because you’re allowed to use magic now you don’t have to whip your wands out for every tiny little thing! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

ISABEL: Sorry I missed my session Monday. DR. RUSH: Would you like to tell me why? ISABEL: I was depressed. DR. RUSH: That's a good reason to come to therapy. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor

Word of advice. These have a kick, so don’t suck too hard—” Holy hypoxia, Batman. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#john #humor

I've got daughters. Nine years old and six years old. First of all, I'm gonna teach them about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them PUNISHED with a baby. ↗

— Barack Obama

#politics #humor

We have nothing to fear but our mothers. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

Cofishes-other fish in a group, coworkers, cohorts, etc. Shut up, it's a word. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

Jack," said Charles, "he's making up words again." "Yes," Jack replied, "but he's getting better at it, don't you think? ↗

— James A. Owen

#humor #humor

We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt! ↗

— George Lopez

#humor

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#kids #observational-comedy #humor

Don't mess with me, Calvin. You'll only get hurt. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#humor