#humor

The nice thing about wading in earthly pleasures is that if you make it to heaven, the landfills are full of pruned feathers and God’s silky beard trimmings. And if you don’t make it to heaven, at least you’ll have fond memories of the air-conditioned garbage truck. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #garbage #humor #funny

I may not be perfect, but God knows I'm trying . . . and God knowing should count for something. ↗

— Karen E. Quinones Miller

#inspirational-quotes #humor

One nation, under God, with consciousness – the practical man serves the highest abstraction with juggling training. ↗

— Bauvard

#consciousness #funny #god #humor #juggling

And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry." (You have to be stern with weenie waggers--I've been exposed to on the bus over seventeen times, so I know.) ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humorous #funny

Razor appeared on his shoulder with a buzzing laugh. "Stupid goblins," he crowed, bouncing up and down, making Kierran sigh. "Funny, stupid goblins think master is funny elf. Ha!" He buzzed once more and sat down, grinning like a psychotic piranha. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#kierran #psychotic-piranha #razor #funny

The idlest minds are those that inhabit the busiest bodies. The busiest minds are those that inhabit mental hospitals. Love is what occurs in that order. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #insanity #love #funny

I obey the laws of physics in private. I burn the principles of mathematics in public. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #math #physics #funny

Do deaf schizophrenics hear voices in sign language? ↗

— Nick James

#humor

Poetic license is not a license to scribe recklessly. ↗

— C. Kennedy

#writing-advice #writing-craft #writing-humor #writing-philosophy #writing-process

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees ↗