#humor

There is no reason to regard God as immune from consideration along the spectrum of probabilities. And there is certainly no reason to suppose that, just because God can be neither proved nor disproved, his probability of existence is 50 per cent. ↗

— Richard Dawkins

#religion #science #humor

What flaw could you possibly find in his appearance?" "His posture," Hannah muttered. "What about it?" "He slouches." "He's an American. They all slouch. The weight of their wallets drags them over. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #posture #wallets #humor

Musical beds is the faculty sport around here. ↗

— Edward Albee

#innuendo #humor

That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humorous #humor

Neither would you, had you grown up in a library of melodramatic romance novels. ↗

— Clementine Holzinger

#humor #reading #romance-novels #humor

The Book: Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Nemo suggested that it might be some monster giant but his papa called him a "rattlebrain" and ordered him to pacify his mama who was making elaborate plans to faint. ↗

— Winsor McCay

#humor #stilted #humor

A reputation for money is almost as negotiable as money itself. ↗

— John Steinbeck

#humor

If you could go back and relive any perfect moment in your life, which one would it be?”His smile took her breath away. “You know I’m forbidden to use that‘gift’ except in the direst of circumstances. And itdoesn’t work like that—remember, I can only bend it to gain back the last few minutes.”“I know, but if youcould. Humor me.”He thought for a long moment. “None of them.”Disappointment stabbed her. “Why not?”“Because the perfect moment can never be improved, and should be remembered, cherished, just the way it was. Like every moment I spend in your arms,” he said.“We should just go forward and make more of them. ↗

— J.D. Tyler

#humor

What would you tell her about me?” He did not just ask that. “You did not just ask that.” She chuckled. “I’m serious,” he smiled. “Very well, if you must know, I would say that you are arrogant and foolish, too handsome for your own good and far too cognizant of your own intellect. Unbending, unsympathetic, dogmatic, pig-headed—” “Handsome?” he interrupted, unable to keep the smile from his face. “And intelligent?” “Don’t forget arrogant. ↗

— Leigh LaValle

#humorous #humor