#humor

If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. ↗

— Jane Seabrook

#heaven #humor #humor

Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit? ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #self-doubt #self-worth #humor

Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen. ↗

— Rita Davenport

#money #humor

When I grow up, I'd like to be dangerous. ↗

— Kirsten Miller

#humor #humor

rolf! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there for a sec while I KICK YOUR ASS. ↗

— David Levithan

#acronyms #emoticons #humor #internet-slang #humor

There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one's hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. ↗

— George Carlin

#stereotypes #humor

There must be something wrong with those people who think Audrey Hepburn doesn’t perspire, hiccup or sneeze, because they know that’s not true. I n fact, I hiccup more than most. ↗

— Audrey Hepburn

#humor #perfection #humor

I’d have been dead a long time ago if not for my friends, one of whom had just jumped off the cliff after me. I’d have been a lot more appreciative if he hadn’t pushed me first." ~Cassandra Palmer ↗

— Karen Chance

#humor

Huging my pillow to my chest, I told myself, At least soon you won't have so much time to miss him. Soon school will start again, and then you'll be busier. Wait. Am I reduced to HOPING for school to start? Somehow, I have discovered a whole new level of pathetic. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#humor #stargazer #vampires #humor