#humor

JESSICA: When did you last go to London? HUGH: When I read a Dickens novel. That was when I resolved never to travel there. ↗

— Bauvard

#britain #dickens #funny #humor #london

The head is a clumsy, ill-proportioned monstrosity. It is the understudy in a watermelon-rolling contest. ↗

— Bauvard

#heads #humor #watermelons #funny

HUGH: …I was hit by a man driving a Japanese car. JESSICA: The scoundrel! How dare he not buy American. ↗

— Bauvard

#cars #funny #hit-and-run #humor #japanese

Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#math #humor

But money spent while manic doesn't fit into the Internal Revenue Service concept of medical expense or business loss. So after mania, when most depressed, you're given excellent reason to be even more so. ↗

— Kay Redfield Jamison

#humor #mania #manic #mental-illness #psychology

'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken? ↗

— Ally Carter

#cats #gallagher-girls #humor #humor

Roar leaned across the table and smiled at her seductively, his dark hair falling into his eyes. 'When you say everything happens in the Realms, do you mean everything?' Aria laughed nervously.'Yes. Especially that.There are no risks in the Realms.' Roar's smile widened. 'You simply think it and it happens? And it actually feels real?' 'Why are we talking about this?' 'I need a Smarteye,' he said. ↗

— Veronica Rossi

#humor

I don't know where people got the idea that characters in books are supposed to be likable. Books are not in the business of creating merely likeable characters with whom you can have some simple identification with. Books are in the business of creating great stories that make you're brain go ahhbdgbdmerhbergurhbudgerbudbaaarr. ↗

— John Green

#characters #humor #business

I like to write in poorly lit conditions. It allows darkness to creep into my humor, and bad eyesight to excuse me from accountability. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #writing #funny

I always procrastinate. It allows me to do what I want now without sacrificing my goals for the future. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #goals #humor #procrastination #funny