#humor

With Ricky Gervais, it's all shades of wrong, it's my kind of humor. ↗

— Emily Blunt

#kind #ricky #shades #wrong

A sex trophy should be functional, and shaped like a dildo, yet decorative, and shaped like Ben Bernanke. Insert it in your ass as desired.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#decorative #functional #funny #humor #random

My girlfriend asked if I wanted to go see a politician give a speech on “Ethics”, and I said, Sure, I might enjoy a bit of stand-up comedy.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ethics #funny #humor #politicians #politics

Like all the other arrivals to the tournament, Hank had erected a banner in front. It was a long, tapering pennant with a blue and red circular design in the center and the words GO CUBS! on both sides. Interesting," said Hugo. "What does it mean?" It was a gift from Sam," Hank explained as they entered the tent. "He said it used to represent Triumph over Adversity, but now better represents Impossible Quests and Lost Causes." I think I preferred not knowing that," said Hugo. Hank grinned. "You're a Sox fan too, hey? ↗

— James A. Owen

#sports #design

We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant ↗

— Derek Landy

#skuldugerry-pleasant #humor

Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh? ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#misfortune #sombre-mood #humor

No' is a magical word," he told her. "Here's how it goes. You say, 'Simon, I have an insane, suicidal plan. Would you like to help me carry it out?' And I say, "Why, no. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#simon #humor

We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner. ↗

— Cyrus the Great

#frienship #humor #life #love #philosophy

That is like throwing two virgins into a bed. Enthusiasm, passion, and ignorance are not a good combination. Someone is likely to get hurt. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#humor

Prison is like high school with knives. ↗

— Raegan Butcher

#prison #prisoners #humor