#humor

You can manicure a cat but can you caticure a man? ↗

— John Lennon

#lennon #humor

It's 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is? ↗

— Amy Neftzger

#drinking #friday #humor #humorous #margarita

Most helmsmen would’ve been satisfied with a pilot’s wheel or a tiller. Leo had also installed a keyboard, monitor, aviation controls from a Learjet, a dubstep soundboard, and motion-control sensors from a Nintendo Wii. He could turn the ship by pulling on the throttle, fire weapons by sampling an album, or raise sails by shaking his Wii controllers really fast. Even by demigod standards, Leo was seriously ADHD. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #humor

It's a kilt, dumbass. It's only a skirt if I'm wearing underwear. ↗

— Damon Suede

#kilt #underwear #humor

So Dobby stopped us from getting on the train and broke your arm. . . ." He shook his head. "You know what, Harry? If he doesn't stop trying to save your life he's going to kill you. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #ron-weasley #humor

I thought they were helping me. I was so full of trust in them that I felt grateful as they carried me in the air. Only when they threw me overboard did I begin to have doubts. ↗

— Yann Martel

#humor

I like him, he thought in horror... shit. I like him. ↗

— Holly Black

#humor

Didn't know you could measure distance so well with nothing but you bloody eyeballs ↗

— James Dashner

#humor

Her name is Brienne," Jaime said. "Brienne, the maid of Tarth. You are still maiden, I hope?" Her broad homely face turned red. "Yes." "Oh, good," Jaime said. "I only rescue maidens. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#brienne-of-tarth #humor #jaime-lannister #rescue #humor

Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car has protective qualities" You mean like a guardian angel?" I mean, like, it has seatbelts ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor