#humor

You know, I preferred you as an evil monk. Would have made killing you a whole lot easier. ↗

— Chris d'Lacey

#firestar #humor #killing #magic #monks

You are a wise man, Major, and I will consider your advice with great care--and humility." He finished his tea and rose from the table to go to his room. "But I must ask you, do you really understand what it means to be in love with an unsuitable woman?" "My dear boy," said the Major. "Is there really any other kind? ↗

— Helen Simonson

#love #women #humor

I know by now you think I should have straightened myself out - Thank you, drop dead! ↗

— Morrissey

#life #lyrics #music #humor

Nothing but good times ahead. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#inspirational #humor

I'm not fretting over control with you. You can have all of the command you desire as long as we're together. I'll just save my demands for the bedroom." I flushed. Bones just chuckled and brought my hand to his lips. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor

I'm serious. She asked me what my greatest strength was. I said getting along with people." "That's not bad," I admitted. "Then she asked what my greatest weakness was. And I said, 'Where should I start?" "Adrian!" "Stop saying my name like that. I told her the truth. By the time I was on the fourth one, she told me I could go." I groaned and resisted the urge to beat my head on the steering wheel. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#hamlet #hesitation #humor #jeeves #shakespeare

I found a dead body in the cucumber patch,' I told them. 'How very like you,' Ophelia said, and went on preening her eyebrows. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#humor

I knew a Buddhist once, and I've hated myself ever since. ↗

— Hunter S. Thompson

#humor

A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#misery #moroseness #subconscious #humor