#humor

We weren't really friends yet, just knowers of each other's secret stuff. ↗

— Beth Bloom

#funny #humor #silly #funny

Performance enhancements are most impressive when used by that sedentary athlete, the videogamer. After he turns to hitchhiking in disgrace, his giant thumbs can take him anywhere. ↗

— Bauvard

#doping #funny #hitchhiking #humor #steroids

I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine. ↗

— Ray Bradbury

#humor

Someone dying asks if there is life after death. Yes, comes the answer, only not yours. ↗

— E.L. Doctorow

#humor #death

Well, I always did want to go out in a Braveheart kind of way. I'll just have to think of something cool to yell before they cut my head off. ↗

— Jennifer Armintrout

#humor #death

Someday I must read this scholar Everyone. He seems to have written so much--all of it wrong. -Daine ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humor #scholar #humor

Soap?" "School of America in Paris" he explains. "SOAP". Nice. My father sent me here to be cleansed. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor #humor

You must admit I have a right to live in a pigsty if I want. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#mess #pigsty #humor

What year did Jesus think it was? ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #jesus-christ #religion #time #humor