#humor

Caine met Diana's disbelieving gaze and laughed aloud. "Why so gloomy? Doesn't every little girl want to grow up to be a queen?" "Princess," Diana said. "So, you got a promotion," Caine said. ↗

— Michael Grant

#diana #gone #humor #michael-grant #plague

I was never really certain why he scared the bejesus out of me. Nothing scared me growing up. I’ve been playing with dead people since the day I was born, so it’s good thing, yet the Big Bad scared me. Which brings me to the reason I called.” “Which was to give me nightmares for the rest of my life?” “Oh, no, that’s just a plus. Why was I so scared of him?” “Hon, for one thing he was this powerful, massive, black smokelike being.” “So, you’re saying I’m a racist? ↗

— Darynda Jones

#quotes #humor

Perhaps we could say she’s a mad maiden aunt who insists on chaperoning us everywhere.” “My aunt or yours?” Jem inquired. “Yes, she doesn’t really look like either of us, does she? Perhaps she’s a girl who’s fallen madly in love with me and persists in following me wherever I go.” “My talent is shape-shifting, Will, not acting,” said Tessa ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Vampires do breathe, by the way, but their chests don't move like humans'. Have you ever lain in the arms of your sweetheart and tried to match your breathing to his, or hers? You do it automatically. Your brain only gets involved if your body is having trouble. Fortunately there was nothing about this situation that was like being in the arms of a sweetheart except that I was leaning against someone's naked chest. I could no more have breathed with him than I could have ignited gasoline and shot exhaust out my butt because I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car. ↗

— Robin McKinley

#humor #vampires #humor

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#humor

Do you see that out there? The strange, unfamiliar light? It's called the sun. Let's go get us a little. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#sun #sunlight #humor

Not to sound, you know, like a dick," Jack said carefully. "But you just dragged us out of bed to show us Jane's messy room? That's not really an emergency Mae." "She's not here!" Mae shouted, gesturing to the mess around her. "That's the emergency."  "Again, not to be a dick, but that's not really an emergency." Jack said. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#jack #mae #my-blood-approves #humor

Ninja chicken isn't he?" You grinned at me, rolling your sleeves up."We'll see about that." You reached into the cage. Instantly Dick was onto your hand, clawing at you, biting chunks with his beak. "Godamn rooster! ↗

— Lucy Christopher

#rooster #humor

Hate people on an individual basis only - you must actually get to know someone at least slightly before you can properly hate him or her. ↗

— Jill Conner Browne

#prejudice #humor

What happened to your face?' he asked. 'When I was little, my grandmother was making candles and she had a big vat of hot beeswax in the backyard,' she said. 'I walked into the vat.' Usually that ended the conversation. 'I don't remember it,' she added. 'How old were you?' he asked. She tilted her face slightly, watching him. 'Ten months.' 'You were walking at ten months?' he asked. 'Not very well, apparently,' she said dryly. ↗

— Caragh M. O'Brien

#humor