#humor

I was raised the old-fashioned way, with a stern set of moral principles: Never lie, cheat, steal or knowingly spread a venereal disease. Never speed up to hit a pedestrian or, or course, stop to kick a pedestrian who has already been hit. From which it followed, of course, that one would never ever -- on pain of deletion from dozens of Christmas card lists across the country -- vote Republican. ↗

— Barbara Ehrenreich

#politics #republicans #humor

And stop talking in that puffed-up way they taught you. Words aren't brains, you know. ↗

— Deepak Chopra

#humor #humor

People do not deserve good writing, they are so pleased with bad. ↗

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

#writing #humor

I think crush is the perfect word to describe it, too, because it simultaneously means 'to have a brief infatuation with someone unattainable' and 'to be violently squashed. ↗

— Elna Baker

#humor

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. ↗

— George Burns

#humor #religion #humor

But once I'd come up with it, I realized it really was the perfect plan. Instead of waiting for Maria to come to me, I was simply going to go to her and, well... Send her back to where she came. Or reduce her to a mound of quivering gelatinous goo. Whichever came first. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor

Will you please stop peeking at me like that? This is degrading enough as it is." "Did it ever occur to you," I said, with a sly smile and a wink, "that you're irresistibly handsome, I can't keep my eyes off of you?" He threw his head back in a laugh. "Of course. I should have realized. ↗

— Lani Woodland

#humor

The to Cathal was battered and only one wagon wide, with swells of hard earth where mud had frozen during cold ad rainy seasons. Enna tripped often, and cursed each time she tripped, until Dasha said, "Enna, you might watch your language." Enna grimaced. "I was. You should hear my thoughts. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor #humor

It's the idea that people living close to nature tend to be noble. It's seeing all those sunsets that does it. You can't watch a sunset and then go off and set fire to your neighbor's tepee. Living close to nature is wonderful for your mental health. ↗

— Daniel Quinn

#humanity #humor #nature #humor

As I've already mentioned, 1984 and I were getting on famously. A no-frills setup, run without sentiment, snobbery or cultural favouritism, Airstrip One seemed like my kind of town. (I saw myself as an idealistic young corporal in the Thought Police.) ↗

— Martin Amis

#money