#humor

Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#dog #humor #oberon #humor

According to Marcie's mom, only people with no class actually use the word class. If you have it, then you never talk about it." "Oh". Johnny nodded slowly. "Just like herpes. ↗

— Kristin Walker

#humor

the real menace in dealing with a 5-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a 5-year-old. ↗

— Jean Kerr

#humor

I have to be a ginger for 3 weeks. ↗

— Katy Perry

#hair #humor #humor

In 1800s Paris, women were prohibited from studying the nude human form, because this would've ruined the wedding-night surprise. (Surprise! It's a penis.) ↗

— Cracked.com

#humor #humor

You have a mother?" He quirked a brow. "Did you think mine was some sort of divine birth? My father was a remarkable man, but even he was not that talented. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #humor

Oh, well, faint heart never won so much as a scrap of paper ↗

— Dorothy L. Sayers

#humor #love #paper #humor

What a pair they were - a Mistborn who felt guilty wasting coins to jump and a nobleman who thought balls were too expensive. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #money #humor

Why didn't you call?" Taylor asked. "I did. No one answered." Roo bent to refill her handbag. Ah. "So how were going to get in the house?" "I thought I'd just wait for you to come back." She started to tap her foot. "Why didn't you go home and call a locksmith?" Taylor asked. Roo glared. "What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?" Then she grinned. "Oh, I've waited years to say that." Taylor bit back his laugh. ↗

— Barbara Elsborg

#humor

Half the time your kids end up hating you for at least 5 of their teenage years[.] And don't ever expect anything so mundane as a thank you ↗

— Donna Ball

#motherhood #humor