#humor

That’s my girl,” she said, her eyes holding a shared pain as she saw my confusion. “Al, where are you going to put her? Not in your room. She’d pull a line through you and kill you when you hog the blankets. I’ll take the waif in. I promise I’ll bring this one up properly. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#demons #newt #humor

Let me go!" She tore off a mirror and brandished it in his face. "I mean it! I don't want to go to your godforsaken hellbarn, you retarded psycho farmer! ↗

— Gina Damico

#humour #humor

Ah, you coward! Look at you, running." "Actually, it's called improvising. ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor #improvising #humor

Wizards don't believe in gods in the same way that most people don't find it necessary to believe in, say, tables. They know they're there, they know they're there for a purpose, they'd probably agree that they have a place in a well-organised universe, but they wouldn't see the point of believing, of going around saying "O great table, without whom we are as naught." Anyway, either the gods are there whether you believe in them or not, or exist only as a function of the belief, so either way you might as well ignore the whole business and, as it were, eat off your knees. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#religion #business

And even if we did, which we didn't, it's none of your business." "Okay." "I just wanted you to know." "Okay." "If you say okay one more time, I'm going to punch you in the solar plexus." His eyebrows jump. "The solar plexus, huh?" "Yes," I say. "I'm not exactly sure where that is, but I will find out. And then I will punch you there. Hard. ↗

— Hannah Harrington

#humor #business

I tried to lighten the mood, and pointed at the house shoes - the last things I'd have expected to see Catcher Bell wearing. "And the shoes?" I asked with a grin. "My house, my rules. These shoes happen to be comfortable," he said "If you two roamed around the house naked and carrying bows and arrows before I moved in, it's none of my business. ↗

— Chloe Neill

#business

I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She would'nt do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. ↗

— E.W. Howe

#women #humor

Acheron: You're really not right, are you? Nick: Yeah. I know. It was all the paint chips I ate as a kid. They were good, but chromosomally damaging ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#nick-gautier #humor

He pinched the name tag and ran his fingers under the letters. "Can you read this, mate? It says C-H-A-R-O-N. Say it with me: CARE-ON." "Charon." "Amazing! Now: Mr. Charon." "Mr. Charon." "Well done. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor