#humor

HERE ARE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS, CROWLEY And suddenly he knew. He hated that. They could just as easily have told him, they didn't suddenly have to drop chilly knowledge straight into his brain. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

Surely you’re not going to practice discretion now? ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

You're sure he's not a vampire?' Claire said.'I've seen movies. They're sneaky.' She was kidding. Eve didn't smile. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#mythical #humor

Someone out there was about to find that their worst nightmare was a maddened Librarian. With a badge. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#librarians #humor

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer ↗

— Bill Hicks

#media-journalism #society #thinking #humor

I pressed PLAY and started up Chiron's favorite--the All-Time Greatest Hits of Dean Martin. Suddenly the air was filled with violins and a bunch of guys moaning in Italian. The demon pigeons went nuts. They started flying in circles, running into each other like they wanted to bash their own brains out. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #pigeons #humor

This squirrel is inadequately afraid of humans! Squirrel, I am a threat to you! We are enemies! Please get off my bench! Oh, god! Oh, god! Don't touch me—oh, god! ↗

— John Green

#humor #john-green #squirrels #humor

Wisdom you speak, Obi Tina.' 'None of that - I'm the one who gets to speak backwards - no, we're both wrong - that's the little green guy, Yoda.' 'You're right. So I just get to pout and act badly when you try and teach me anything.' 'Try channelling Luke rather than Annakin - the outcome is better. ↗

— Joss Stirling

#sky #humor

Did television execs have souls? Now, that was an existential question and a half. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

What's the point of using words nobody knows or can say comfortably? ↗

— Stephen Chbosky

#humor