#humor

Chapter One of My Life. I walk down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It still takes forever to find a way out. Chapter Two. I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place! But it isn't my fault. And it still takes a long time to get out. Chapter Three. I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall in. It's a habit! My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter Four. I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter Five. I walk down a different street. ↗

— Portia Nelson

#inspiration #humor

Paranoia: the gift of the survivor and the burden of the overtired, stressed, and terrified... ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #mercy-thompson #humor

I feel your scorn, and I accept it. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#humor

Yes, I have patterns of love addiction. But I'm a woman. Of course I do. ↗

— Emma Forrest

#love #love-addiction #women #humor

Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead. ↗

— Ashwin Sanghi

#chanakya-s-chant #humorous-quotations #humor

‎What a blight that woman is. Do you happen to know why? I lean toward a malignant fairy at her christening. ↗

— Mary Ann Shaffer

#humor

I'm so pretty, it's hard for me to think of myself as intelligent. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#thomas-raith #vanity #humor

Those two need each other like a bullet needs a target ↗

— Wendy Higgins

#humor

Beth: "What are you, the Energizer Bunny? ↗

— Lucy Monroe

#lucy-monroe #romance #humor

Y’all might as well come on out,” I said. “I know you’re there. I can smell you.” “Smell me? But I just took a shower this morning!” an indignant voice drifted out of the shadows. There was a loud sound, like someone was getting smacked upside the head. Then another voice let out a low mutter. “Shut up, idiot. ↗

— Jennifer Estep

#billy #bobby #funny #gin-blanco #humor