#humor

Zip it kiddo. Don't ever admit you know a thing about cooking or it'll be used against you later in life. ↗

— Rebecca Wells

#humor #humor

A line of perspiration slipped down my spine like a waterslide at an unamusement park. ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#vampire #humor

She was so young how could she understand… Exactly how young was she Matthew’s mouth went dry. “Dearest how old are you ” “Almost twenty.” Damnation. He was a bloody cradle robber. ↗

— Lydia Dare

#robber #underage #humor

Why do you work so hard to make yourself disliked? I should think you'd find it happens enough on its own without putting yourself to any extra trouble. ↗

— Steven Brust

#personality #humor

They think my mother's ashes are marijuana. ↗

— Graham Greene

#humor

They mean hot like 'I'm too good for you I got my own money don't be frontin' me.' You're more like 'Be my boyfriend I'll make you cookies come meet my dad ' know what I mean ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#girls #humor #humor

You‟re my mate. Think you can handle that?” It was hard to speak with her heart bursting open. “Think you can handle me?” “So long as you're gentle with me.”" Emmett to Ria - Whisper of sin ↗

— Nalini Singh

#love #nalini-singh #humor

All right. Let's give you something to tell your grandkids about. Or great-grandkids. Or great-great-grandkids." I snort with glee, delirious with excitement. Charlie winks and pours me another finger's worth of whiskey. Then, on second thought, he tips the bottle again. I reach out and grab its neck. "Better not," I say. "Don't want to get tipsy and break a hip. ↗

— Sara Gruen

#water-for-elephants #humor

They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor

Where there is a will to conquer a man, there is a way to conquer a man. ↗

— Delilah Marvelle

#humor