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#humor

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humor




You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars… five thousand dollars per bullet… You know why? Cause if a bullet cost five thousand dollars there would be no more innocent bystanders. Yeah! Every time somebody get shut we’d say, ‘Damn, he must have done something ... Shit, he’s got fifty thousand dollars worth of bullets in his ass.’ And people would think before they killed somebody if a bullet cost five thousand dollars. ‘Man I would blow your fucking head off…if I could afford it.’ ‘I’m gonna get me another job, I’m going to start saving some money, and you’re a dead man. You’d better hope I can’t get no bullets on layaway.’ So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you wouldn't have to go to no doctor to get it taken out. Whoever shot you would take their bullet back, like "I believe you got my property. ↗


— Chris Rock


#gun-control #humor #humor

Brian, relax, man. You’ve gotta relax when you make the crank calls. ↗


— Brian Regan


#humor

Eve is married to my credit card, not me ↗


— Poppet


#paranormal-urban-fantasy-romance #urban-fantasy

Miss Butterworth and the Mad Baron,” Sebastian said approvingly. “Excellent choice.” “You have read this?” Alexei asked. “It’s not as good as Miss Davenport and the Dark Marquis, of course, but worlds better than Miss Sainsbury and the Mysterious Colonel.” Harry found himself rendered speechless. “I’m reading Miss Truesdale and the Silent Gentleman right now.” “Silent?” Harry echoed. “There is a noticeable lack of dialogue,” Sebastian confirmed. ↗


— Julia Quinn


#humor #humor

But the goal of the arts, culinary or otherwise, is not to increase our comfort. That is the goal of an easy chair. ↗


— Jeffrey Steingarten


#humor #philosophy #art

Are you asking if I ever spied on you while you were taking a shower? ↗


— Christopher Pike


#humor

You know, when you look into the Guru's eyes you're just seeing yourself. If you see the Guru, then you're missing the point of the Guru. ↗


— Art Hochberg


#inspirational #art

I’m sexually attracted to statues made out of decomposing food. Is it normal to be hungry during intercourse? 
 ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#decomposing #food #funny #humor #hunger

Prayer comes through grace, and grace comes through surrender. ↗


— Art Hochberg


#inspirational #art

Today, like any other day, is totally incomprehensible. It's good to be in a state of wonder and be alive to what's happening. ↗


— Art Hochberg


#inspirational #art






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