#humor

I'd turn and run but I'm anchored by two dudes that could hold the Titanic during a tsunami. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor #humor

She walks a tightrope between psycho and smokin'. ↗

— Daniel Marks

#young-adult-paranormal #humor

I actually plan to mess up my life and start over every seven years. That way, I’ll never get in a rut. I read somewhere that most of your cells only live about seven years anyway, so in theory you literally are a new person; I figure that’s the best time to start over. ↗

— Jody Gehrman

#life #reborn #humor

Everything‟s fine,” I said, with a tight smile. “Kiyo was just giving me his latest explanation about how my son is a terror to be feared.” Dorian scoffed. “Little Thundro? A terror? Hardly, unless perhaps we‟re discussing diapers. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

There ain't a man in the world cares about a woman's past until he's thinking of her in his future. ↗

— Dru Pagliassotti

#future #humor #past #reputation #romance

A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men. ↗

— Willy Wonka

#nonsense #humor

Don't live like there's no tomorrow, that's stupid. But live your life like it's a story that you would want to tell someone else. A little fun, a little exciting, a little sexy, and always off key. ↗

— Phillip Defranco

#inspirational #humor

He didn’t want to be married! And what the hell did a ‘bottom’ husband do, anyway? Was it like…like a housewife or something? Was he supposed to cook and clean and shit like that?? “I HATE cleaning! I don’t wanna be married; I wanna go back to being a whore!!!! ↗

— Twisted Hilarity

#humor

Are you a vegetarian?' I ask, based on the evidence in front of me. She nods. 'Why?' 'Because I have this theory that when we die, every animal that we've eaten has a chance at eating us back. So if you're a carnivore and you add up all the animals you've eaten--well, that's a long time in purgatory, being chewed.' 'Really?' She laughs. 'No. I'm just sick of the question. I mean, I'm a vegetarian because I think it's wrong to eat other sentient creatures. And it sucks for the environment. ↗

— David Levithan

#vegetarian #humor

Besides, when I look around me at the men, I feel that God never meant us women to be too particular. ↗

— Marie Jenney Howe

#women #humor