#humor

Why are there so many people out here?' Boomer asked as we bobbed and weaved roughly forward. 'Christmas shopping.' I explained. 'Already? Isn't it early to returning things?' I really had no sense of how his mind worked. ↗

— David Levithan

#christmas-shopping #dash #humor #lol #no-sense

Professor Longbottom only assigned us to write about spynuswort because it’s one of the three most useful plants in the magical world. If we were to write about every one of its uses, we’d be turning in encyclopedias, you silly boy. ↗

— G. Norman Lippert

#humor

So, Belle, what's new today?" Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world." Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the months on them. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#humor

When we passed a Catholic church, I recalled, he said, "You think your dad's a good chemist? They're turning soda crackers into meat in there. Can your dad do that? ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#religion #humor

The telkine growled and muttered as he tapped on his keyboard. Maybe he was messaging his friends on uglyface.com ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

He kissed me for a long moment, holding my shoulders, perhaps to keep me from pressing my whole body against his. Then he tried to lift my bag. "My God," he said. "What happened?" "I found out one may check out twenty books at a time from the school library. ↗

— Laura Whitcomb

#humor #kiss #laura-whitcomb #library #reading

I'm going to end up like one of those old weirdos who lives in a network of tunnels burrowed through trash - yet I do not fear this. ↗

— Will Self

#humor

Isabelle glanced back at them. "They're staring at you. Maybe their master died and they're looking for another vampire to own them. You could have pets." She grinned. "Or," Simon said ,"maybe they're here for the hash browns. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Having no other recourse, Roran resorted to the unexpected: he stuck his head and neck out and shouted, "BAH!" just as he would if he were trying to scare someone in a dark hallway... ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#humor

And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#grammar #grammar-humor #humor #humour #science-fiction