#humor

Doubt is a lot like faith; A mustard's seed worth changes everything. ↗

— Donna Johnson

#humorous #literary-memoir #religion-meaning #change

The clerk is looking at me. His expression hasn't changed. What I want to do is punch a hole in the front of the desk, reach through, grab his balls, and make him sing The Mickey Mouse Club song. But these days, I'm working on the theory that killing everyone I don't like might be counterproductive. I'm learning to use my indoor voice like a big boy, so I smile back at the clerk. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#relationships #social #change

My old man taught me to never trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die. ↗

— Tommy Tran

#humor #joke #laugh #love #relationships

Okay,” Cooper says agreeably. “But what if you and Nigel fall in love, and Nigel and I become BFFs, and then you guys get married, and Nigel wants me to be the best man, and you and I have to talk about the wedding plans?” “That would never happen, because since Nigel would be so in love with me, he would have dumped you as a BFF as soon as we got engaged and/or told you you were not allowed to be best man at our wedding, per my wishes.” “Yes, but—” “Wait a minute,” I say. “Did you just say ‘BFF’?” “Yes,” he says. He looks at me and shrugs. “I’ve been watching a lot of Disney Channel. ↗

— Lauren Barnholdt

#humour #change

I can't remember the last time I crapped in somebody's sink, but I think it may be why I'm not allowed in Home Depot anymore. ↗

— John Cheese

#home

I would like it very much if you pulled on something of mine.” Kale ↗

— Patricia Lynne

#love

So the world was nuts and he'd suddenly discovered a kink for geeks. There were worse things. ↗

— Louisa Edwards

#love

You have some lovely books," she said. "I like the one with the pictures of polar bears." "The books with words too tricky?" She released a strangled laugh. "Would you care to explain the system?" Turner stared at the shelves. Matty moved in front of him and pointed. "They're sorted by color." "Ah." Dear God. "And by size." "Mmm." Turner felt his mouth start to twitch. "It didn't occur to you to shelve them alphabetically by author name or even title?" "Well, yes, but no." "The thing is, you have so many. I organized one boxful only to find the next box wrecked what I'd done so I thought they'd look nicer if all the same color spines sat together. I tried to follow the colors of the spectrum. Look, the books go up and down in waves." He'd noticed. It made him feel seasick. ↗

— Barbara Elsborg

#love

That is disgusting, and I will never kiss you again." "Yes, you will," he said, and proved by pressing his lips to hers. She wanted to squirm away, just to prove the point but God, she loved kissing him. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#shane-and-claire #love

As a writer, you must truly posses a love for words." "Yes, that's right," I agreed. "I've noticed that some authors favor particular words, making frequent use of them. Do you have a favorite?" I nodded assuredly and shared my answer. "BECAUSE." My interviewer looked surprised, as though he'd expected an impressive adjective or some rare verb. "That's your favorite word? Why?" I tried not to smirk. "Because. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#humor #richelle #richelle-goodrich #words #writer