#humor

She looked like a head-on collision between a fashion plate and a nightmare. ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#humor

We're here. We're weird. Get used to it. ↗

— John Yohalem

#humor #pagan #humor

No wonder these people don’t believe in evolution. It obviously hasn’t worked in their favor. ↗

— Jeri Smith-Ready

#humor

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor

Just because I'm no jaw clacker doesn't mean there should be a ruction put up whenever I have sommat to say. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#mastiff #silence #humor

The intruder hesitated, turned, and anchored itself in the corner, where the ceiling met the wall. It sat there, fastened to the paneling by enormous yellow talons, still and silent like a gargoyle in full sunlight. I took a swig from the bottle and set it so I could still see the creatures reflection. Nude and hairless, it didn't carry a single ounce of fat on its lean frame. Its skin stretched so tight over the cords of muscle, it threatened to snap. Like a thin layer of wax melted over an anatomy model. Your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

Chapter One. The Bride." He held up the book then. "I'm reading it to you for relax." He practically shoved the book in my face. "By S. Morgenstern. Great Florinese writer. The Princess Bride. He too came to America. S. Morgenstern. Dead now in New York. The English is his own. He spoke eight tongues." Here my father put down the book and held up all his fingers. "Eight. Once in Florin City... ↗

— William Goldman

#humor

His brother fell silent again, another oddity for Chad. Several seconds passed. “Bro, all of us are a little fucked up.” “No shit. ↗

— J. Lynn

#humor #humor

...called nine-one-one," Howie was saying, "and then I heard something in the alleyway, so I went back there and" --Howie coughed-- "and valiantly attacked his knife with my guts, to no avail." "Did you get a good look at him? Could you describe him?" Howie smiled wanly. "Yeah. He was about yay long" --he held up his hands, four inches apart-- "thin, made of steel. Pointy. Sharp. ↗

— Barry Lyga

#humor