#humor

Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying "Blood...blood...blood...blood... ↗

— Douglas Adams

#ford-anyone #humor #humor

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant ↗

— Henry Miller

#sex #humor

Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#humor

No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flood #humor #ship #sink #titanic

Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#real-life #humor

I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings. Your name isn’t Rob, is it? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#robbery #humor

Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#fred-weasley #humor #humor

Coach Hedge yelled,“Thar she blows! Kansas, ahoy!” “Holy Hephaestus,” Leo muttered. “He really needs to work on his shipspeak. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #kansas #leo-valdez #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

Razo hopped back up and adopted a posture that said he was completely unruffled, never had been, and in fact was ready to do something manly like lift boulders or swallow live worms. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor

Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor