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#humor

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humor




Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time. ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#death #funny #hope #humor #life

For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually, I had to give it up. Throughout the next twenty-two years I lay still and discovered that after a few minutes I could drop off with no problem. Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it’s funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own. Often I never even made it to the bed. I’d squat down to pet the cat and wake up on the floor eight hours later, having lost a perfectly good excuse to change my clothes. I’m now told that this is not called “going to sleep” but rather “passing out,” a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment. ↗


— David Sedaris


#drinking #humor #change

If my last name were Om, I’d want my first name to be Fred. Fred Om isn’t worth fighting for, but an extra “e” is. ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#fighting #freedom #funny #humor #value

Once the others were below, Hazel and Leo faced each other awkwardly. They were alone except for Coach Hedge, who was back on the quarterdeck singing the Pokémon theme song. The coach had changed the words to: Gotta Kill ’Em All, and Leo really didn’t want to know why. ↗


— Rick Riordan


#hazel-levesque #heroes-of-olympus #humor #leo-valdez #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

Um...perhaps I will go with Grandfather," Nilima said. She set down the scissors, looked at my expression, and then changed her mind and took them with her. ↗


— Colleen Houck


#change

What makes you think that Valentine's change of plans had anything to do with your brother?" "Because only Jace can piss someone off that much. ↗


— Cassandra Clare


#change

Otrera stayed dead the second time," Kinzie said, batting her eyes. "We have to thank you for that. If you ever need a new girlfriend...well, I think you'd look great in an iron collar and an orange jumpsuit." Percy couldn't tell if she was kidding or not. He politely thanked her and changed seats. ↗


— Rick Riordan


#humor #percy-jackson #change

To Garan's credit, the treatment of Dellian prisoners did change after that. One particularly laconic man, after a session in which Fire learned positively nothing, thanked her for it specifically. "Best dungeons I ever been in," he said, chewing on a toothpick. "Wonderful," Garan grumbled when he had gone. "We'll grow a reputation for our kindness to lawbreakers. ↗


— Kristin Cashore


#change

I want to be the first and second man to dance on the moon. No, I won’t moonwalk. But I will Cha Cha—with my clone. ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#dancing #funny #humor #moon #change

If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I'd never get off my ass to change the channel. ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#funny #humor #lazy #naughty #change






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