#humor

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #milk #sex

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend. ↗

— Marcel Achard

#mathematics #women #age

My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

I’m crazy in love. I’m just crazy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#humor #sex #sleep #age

We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#color #colors #disinterest #funny #green

My friends scoffed at my anxiety and said dumb things like, 'Fifty is the new forty!' Which just made me realize that there are a whole lot of other people who suck at math as bad as I do. No. Fifty is fifty. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor #age

The information age is so psychotic – without the cell phone and Internet, I would be drama free right now. ↗

— Lauren Barnholdt

#humor #information-age #technology #age

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby... ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#age

It took nearly a year to finish the ever-changing [marriage candidates] list, with the assistance of his sister and his aging spinster aunt, who lorded over their affairs as the self-appointed voice of cultivated reason. During this time, Gabriel struggled to convince straight-from-Oxford Tristan that he must marry, produce heirs, and maintain the family dukedom for Gabriel himself wouldn't marry. He knew he simply did not have the compulsion to inflict that sort of aggravation on a woman. ↗

— Olivia Parker

#marriage #men #age