#humor

I only met Mad Sweeney twice, alive," he said. "The first time I thought he was a world-class jerk with the devil in him. The second time I thought he was a major fuckup and I gave him the money to kill himself. He showed me a coin trick I don't remember how to do, gave me some bruises, and claimed he was a leprechaun. Rest in peace, Mad Sweeney. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

Never touch my brother on his fucking birthday. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #thomas-raith #humor

I took a strong dislike to him right then to save time and effort later. ↗

— Mike Carey

#humor

You have a valid complaint, and I do recognize it ... but you are reading into things a little bit. Just the same, I will do my best to make horrible things happen to a bunch of white people before something else so graphic hits a minority character. ↗

— Robert Kirkman

#comics #humor #humor

Corpus Bones! I utterly loathe my life. ↗

— Karen Cushman

#humor

Never attribute to malevolence what is merely due to incompetence ↗

— Arthur C. Clarke

#incompetence #social #humor

Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft. When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Draco: Who's the girl? Bowen: A nuisance! Get rid of her! Draco: Why? Bowen: They're trying to placate you with a sacrifice! Draco: [knowingly] Oh, now whoever gave them *that* bright idea? Bowen: Never mind! Just get rid of her! Draco: How? Bowen: Eat her! Draco: Oh, please. YUCK! Bowen: Aren't we squeamish; you ate Sir Egglemore, hypocrite! Draco: I merely chewed in self-defense, but I never swallowed. ↗

— Dragonheart

#humor

If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract... -- Rhett ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#fantasy #futuristic #humor #humour #romance

Whispering against her ear, he confessed, "When I'm really stressed out...I play with my toes." Gwen leaned back a bit and stared at him. "Seriously?" "It's really relaxing and very bearlike." And very weird. And yet..."I'm oddly comforted by this information. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humor