#humor

fine, go ahead. kiss me right now. alec stared in horror. exactly. despite my staggering good looks, you actually don't like me that way ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

I’m an atheist and I thank God for it. ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#religion #humor

The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five. ↗

— Carl Sagan

#humor #reason #sagan #war #humor

Sometimes when it looks like I'm deep in thought I'm just trying not to have a conversation with people. ↗

— Pete Wentz

#humor #pete #thought #wentz #humor

Must be weird for you, having your mom here." "Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had to give up your swinging bachelor pad." "Mrs. Casnoff let me install my heart-shaped Jacuzzi in my new dorm room." "Cal," I said with mock astonishment, "did you just make a joke?" "Maybe. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#humor

They don't fit you?" V asked his roommate. "Not the point. No offense, but these are wicked Village People." Butch held his heavy arms out and turned in a circle, his bare chest catching the light. "I mean, come on." "They're for fighting, not fashion." "So are kilts, but you don't see me rocking the tartan." "And thank God for that. You're too bowlegged to pull that shit off." Butch assumed a bored expression. "You can bite me. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#butch-vishous #humor #paranormal-romance #romance #vishous-vampire

Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#thinking #humor

Spike (to Giles) : Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes — 'Cuppa tea, cuppa tea... almost got shagged... cuppa tea'? ↗

— Marti Noxon

#humor #snark #humor

Every time I've built character, I've regretted it. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. ↗

— George Carlin

#kids #parenting #role-models #humor