#humor

Laughter is carbonated holiness. ↗

— Anne Lamott

#inspirational #laughter #humor

Whatever you see you gotta keep a sense of humor; you gotta be able to smile through all the bullshit. ↗

— Tupac Shakur

#humor

I don’t need a steak knife to cut my meat. That’s why karate chops were created. I’m like a butter knife, only slightly less deadly. But I’m great with bagels—and disobedient old people.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bagels #butter #butter-knife #creation #deadly

Sullen monosyllabism, a sure sign of sleep deprivation. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #waldo-butters #death

And in what fairy tale would John ever be any sane person's idea of Prince Charming anyway? He was the opposite of charming. More like Prince Terrifying. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#fairy-tales #humor #prince-charming #terror #death

Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away. ↗

— Derek Landy

#first-paragraph #humor #young-adult #death

Don't sacrifice yourself for me. I will not be grateful. ↗

— Mason Cooley

#humor

Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. '200 Dead as Number Three Slams Ashore' is not nearly as interesting a headline as 'Charlie kills 200.' Death is much more satisfying and entertaining if you personalize it. Me, I'm still waitin' for Hurricane Ed. Old Ed wouldn't hurt ya, would he? Sounds kinda friendly. 'Hell no, we ain't evacuatin'. Ed's comin'! ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #hurricanes #names #death

Real mothers don't just listen with humble embarrassment to the elderly lady who offers unsolicited advice in the checkout line when a child is throwing a tantrum. We take the child, dump him in the lady's cart, and say, "Great. Maybe you can do a better job." Real mothers know that it's okay to eat cold pizza for breakfast. Real mothers admit it is easier to fail at this job than to succeed. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#inspirational-success-failure #humor

You are only limited by your own imagination ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humorous #inspirational #humor