#humor

Impertinent children ought to be given six coats of shellac and set up in public places as a warning to others. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#humor

Oh, Fortuna, blind, heedless goddess, I am strapped to your wheel,' Ignatius belched, 'Do not crush me beneath your spokes. Raise me on high, divinity. ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#humor

I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#age #bizarre #clones #funny #humor

Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #milk #sex

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend. ↗

— Marcel Achard

#mathematics #women #age

My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

I’m crazy in love. I’m just crazy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#humor #sex #sleep #age

We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#color #colors #disinterest #funny #green