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#humor

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humor




I have tutored Little Igor to be a man of this world. For example, I exhibited him a smutty magazine three days yore, so that he should be appraised of the many positions in which I am carnal. 'This is sixty-nine,' I told him, presenting the magazine in front of him. I put my fingers--two of them--on the action, so that he would not overlook it. 'Why is it dubbed sixty-nine?' he asked, because he is a person hot on fire with curiosity. 'It was invented in 1969. My friend Gregory knows a friend of the nephew of the inventor.' 'What did people do before 1969?' 'Merely blowjobs and masticating box, but never in chorus. ↗


— Jonathan Safran Foer


#sex #humor

Motormouth: So this is love? Well, love is a gift and a lot of people forget that. So you two better brace yourselves for a whole lot of ugly coming your way on a never ending train of stupid. Penny: So you met my mom? ↗


— Mark O'Donnell


#humor #love #humor

You think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s only some bugger with a torch bringing you more work. ↗


— David Brent


#office #humor

How shall I ever tell Aunt Shaw?' she whispered, after some time of delicious silence. 'Let me speak to her.' 'Oh, no! I owe it to her, - but what will she say?' 'I can guess. Her first exclamation will be, "That man!" ' 'Hush!' said Margaret, 'or I shall try and show you your mother's indignant tones as she says, "That woman!" ↗


— Elizabeth Gaskell


#humor

Eventually, though, I came to the conclusion that I was the male equivalent of a Toyota Camry. You know: No one ever says, "I have to have a Toyota Camry." But most people who spend some time in a Camry start to like it. "It's pretty reliable," they think. "It doesn't have a lot of problems, and it's not bad to look at. You know what? I'd probably prefer a nicer car. But I can live with a Camry. ↗


— Justin Halpern


#humor

When you're here, I'm there for you. And when you're there, I'm here for you.
 ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#direction #here #humor #love #noncommittal

If he’ll let me. But he left the hospital without talking to me. I don’t know what that means.”Screw that. “Yes, of course I’ll see him again. Isaiah and I are friends and he’s going to realize that evenif I have to take a two-by-four to him. ↗


— Katie McGarry


#friendship #humor #isaiah #friendship

Parvati positively beamed. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly. Girls were very strange sometimes. ↗


— J.K. Rowling


#girls #harry-potter #hermione #humor #parvati

The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence. ↗


— P.G. Wodehouse


#humor #money #humor

Ever director has at least 10 bad films in them. ↗


— Robert Rodriguez


#humor #movies #humor






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