#humor

For someone who is supposed to be a knight in shining armor, you're acting like an ass in aluminum foil. ↗

— Lisa Logue

#love #relationships #humor

If the story had been about anyone else, it would been dismissed as laaf, that Afghan tendency to exaggerate ---sadly, almost a national affliction; if someone bragged that his son was a doctor, chances were the kid had once passed a biology test in high school. ↗

— Khaled Hosseini

#humor

He is such a dork. It's sort of endearing. ↗

— Hannah Harrington

#inspirational #humor

Watch very closely as the magical angel and I are swallowed by the rainbow twister, and left stranded on the glitter way. ↗

— Lady Gaga

#strange #humor

A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions. ↗

— George Eliot

#humor #society #humor

They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines." "Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce." "We need more special effects and dance numbers. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#life #life-philosophy #humor

If you're at a party with more than five people named Chad, get the fuck out right away. ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#parties #humor

Why is Santa an anagram for Satan? I mean, besides the fact that both have the same amounts of the same letters. Just consider the many other similarities between the two figures: both of them are red, both of them like to laugh, both of them give presents to children and both of them are kings of an ungodly underworld of unspeakable horror and suffering. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. ↗

— Sam Logan

#humor #santa #satan #humor

...now Eli was my new neighbor. Which was fine with me because I sucked at Math. Math and I were not on speaking terms. ↗

— Shelly Crane

#humor #math #humor

I did what I have been told to do by my queen. In so doing, I fell into a trap I couldn't escape. I still can't." "The trap of LUUUUVVVV, I thought sarcastically. But he was too serious, too calm, to mock. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #sookie-stackhouse #humor