#humor

...The bottom of his garden joins the bottom of ours, and of course I had several times seen him, sitting among the scarlet-beans in his little arbour, or working at his little hotbeds. I used to think he stared rather, but I didn't take any particular notice of that, as we were newcomers, and he might be curious to see what we were like. But when he began to throw his cucumbers over our wall--" "To throw his cucumbers over our wall!" repeated Nicholas in great astonishment. "Yes, Nicholas, my dear," replied Mrs. Nickleby, in a very serious tone; "his cucumbers over our wall. And vegetable-marrows likewise." "Confound his impudence!" said Nicholas, firing immediately. "What does he mean by that?" "I don't think he means it impertinently at all," replied Mrs. Nickleby. "What!" said Nicholas, "cucumbers and vegetable-marrows flying at the heads of the family as they walk in their own garden and not meant impertinently! ↗

— Charles Dickens

#family

When he picked out the [gravesite] plot, my father had joked that he was moving, at last, to the suburbs. ↗

— Marco Roth

#family #family

Inconsistent parenting creates confusion. When I'm pitting mom against dad, they never know what to expect. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #parenting #funny

Take a guy who can walk on water, who can raise people from the dead, who can look at you and tell you what you had for breakfast...if a guy like that can't find twelve trustworthy mates, who can? Stop at eleven and call it done, that's the moral of that story. ↗

— Liam Perrin

#friendship #humor #leadership #friendship

Even quilters have cliques! I can't stop picturing Regina George, fifty years later, instructing her minions that 'On Wednesdays, we wear pink. ↗

— Rachel Bertsche

#humor #friendship

I wush for his own sake that he'd have a big steaming cup of calm the hell down. ↗

— C.J. Daugherty

#humor

With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #money #uncle #funny

Oh, come now, Manon,” Ilyse laughed, “It’s my job to liven things up a bit, too. I can’t let you and your dimples have all the fun. ↗

— Melika Dannese Lux

#friendship #humor #ilyse-charpentier #teasing #friendship

I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #listening #myself #selfish

My Zora senses are tingling," I said. Nathan looked at me blankly. "Right, you don't know anything about Spiderman," I remembered. "Spider who?" he asked. ↗

— Markelle Grabo

#fantasy #friendship #humor #friendship