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#humor

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humor




Look out for number one and try not to step in number two. ↗


— Rodney Dangerfield


#humor

I suggest it’s time we head off to see the Wizard. The wonderful Wizard of Jesus We Are All So Fucked. ↗


— Mira Grant


#humor

Turn left in two hundred feet ” the computerized voice said in a cheery voice. “There is no turn in two hundred feet you bitch ” I yelled toward the screen. “Zoom out.” Nothing happened. “ZOOM. OUT ” I said again louder before the screen responded to the voice-activated command. ↗


— Jenn Bennett


#humor

Please, someone tell me I wouldn‘t be that annoying if I had girlfriends. ↗


— Kim Harrington


#humor

It is my fondest desire to bust a host of caps into multitudes of fleshy personages. ↗


— Bill Willingham


#humor

God, come down, if you're really there - Well, you're the one who claims to care! ↗


— Morrissey


#life #lyrics #music #religion #humor

I gained everything. Or at least I'll think so," he growled, suddenly impatient, anxious, "when you give me a bloody answer to my bloody question. How many times are you going to make me ask you? Will you marry me, Gabrielle O'Callaghan? Yes or yes? And in case you're still managing to miss the point, the correct answer is 'yes.' And, by the way, anytime you'd like to tell me you love me, I wouldn't mind hearing it. ↗


— Karen Marie Moning


#love #humor

My dogs can't do anything--and what a relief. I don't make any demands of them, and I don't try to shape them or their future. For the most part, I trust them to make the right choices for themselves. I always look forward to seeing them, and I love just watching them sleep. What a great relationship. ↗


— Amy Chua


#humor

I walked in without knocking. The screen door banged to a close behind me announcing my presence. I followed my nose to the kitchen and found Kaleb standing by the stove. He stirred something that smelled absolutely delicious a wooden spoon in one hand and a huge chef’s knife in the other. “Are you sober ” I asked from the doorway. He turned and leveled a smile at me that made me a little wobbly. “I am." “Good. Because if not I was going to take the deadly kitchen utensil away from you.” I crossed the room and pulled myself up to sit on the counter beside the stove. A cutting board full of green peppers and two uncut stalks of celery waited for attention from the knife. Melted butter and diced onions bubbled in a sauté pan on the stove. “You cook" Kaleb was so pretty I was jealous. Pretty with ripped muscles and a tattoo of a red dragon covering most of his upper body. “Yes ” he said. “I cook.” “Do you usually wear a wife beater and ” I pushed him back a little by his shoulder “an apron that says ‘Kiss the Cook’ while you’re doing it ” He leaned so close to me my heart skipped a couple of beats. “I’ll wear it all the time if you’ll consider it. ↗


— Myra McEntire


#humor #kaleb-ballard #humor

I know that not all my readers like my digressions, but the research that has been done on Caenorhabditis elegans is such a ringing triumph of science that you aren't going to stop me. ↗


— Richard Dawkins


#science #science






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