#humorous

It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor

There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one's hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

I dinnae get people, like they all want to be watched, to be seen, like all the time. They put up their pictures online and let people they dinnae like look at them! And people they’ve never met as well, and they all pretend tae be shinier than they are – and some are even posting on like four sites; their bosses are watching them at work, the cameras watch them on the bus, and on the train, and in Boots, and even outside the chip shop. Then even at home – they’re going online to look and see who they can watch, and to check who’s watching them! ↗

— Jenni Fagan

#humorous #internet #online #social-media #watching

On the morning in question, she wore white shorts and a pink T-shirt that featured a green dragon breathing a fire of orange glitter. It is difficult to explain how awesome I found this T-shirt at the time. ↗

— John Green

#papertowns #humor

Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humorous #insulting #smiling #humor

I just can't fathom why anyone would stand on a ledge when there's a respectable amount of walking space right next to it. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor

I doubt you’ve ever been forced to nonstop bang a woman hyped up on the undead voodoo version of Spanish fly, have you?” His chuckle was soft. “Can’t say that I have, Kitten.” “Yeah, well, consider me an original.” This time, when his lips brushed across my skin, it lasted more than a moment. “I always have. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humorous #love #humor

To ugly ducklings everywhere, Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons: They'll never get to be swans ↗

— Zoë Marriott

#cool #cute #funny #humor-inspirational #humorous

I tried to explain as much as I could," Poppet says. "I think I made an analogy about cake." "Well, that must have worked," Widget says. "Who doesn't like a good cake analogy? ↗

— Erin Morgenstern

#humorous #widget #humor

Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch. ↗

— Lili St. Crow

#funny-as-hell #funny-quotes #funny-stuff #humor #humor-work