#humorous

If I could out run the Angel of Death I'd probably die from lack of breath! ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#death

Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt) ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humorous-quotations #ironic #irony #death

When you argue with someone, you always argue at the level of the person with the lowest level of intelligence. You never argue up. ↗

— Spuds Crawford

#humorous #intelligence

I turned on the television and watched a movie about a girl who’d fallen in love with both a vampire and a werewolf. I’d already seen it a million times, so my eyelids grew heavy, fairly quickly. Ten minutes later I was out cold in my bed and dreaming of Duncan, who turned into a werewolf and was trying to kill my own vampire boyfriend. Every time I tried to see the vampire’s face, however, it was a blur. ↗

— Kristen Middleton

#humorous #movie-inspirational #dreams

Oh, drat the men! No matter what they do, it's the wrong thing. And no matter who they are, it's somebody they shouldn't be. They do exasperate me. "Anne's House of Dreams ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#dreams

5. Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still really young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d) shoot, (e) poison, and generally speaking, (f) how to grow up into a Wild West outlaw or gangster by the time you leave school. 6. Television puts a stop to crime because all the burglars and robbers, instead of going to burgle and rob, sit at home watching The Lone Ranger, Emergency Ward Ten and Dotto. ↗

— George Mikes

#television #education

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required". ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor

My question was:How did I go from merely seeing the dirty French Santa in a bar to being in his hotel room the next morning? And this presented me with an actual equation. How did one plus one equal old French Santa? ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#equality

The last time I was this confused I was watching a Fassbinder film. ↗

— Ken O'Neill

#humor #humorous-book #marriage #marriage-equality #equality