#humorous

A mere redrawing of borders, a change in governments, those things can never faze a Jewess with a good supply of hand wipes in her bag. ↗

— Michael Chabon

#insightful #change

Quadruple crap. Why couldn’t I control myself? Why did he have this effect on me? “Are you compelling me right now?” To my surprise, his smile held an edge of sadness. “That would give you a much needed excuse, but I am afraid I am not.” Curse my body for reacting to his. As long as I kept him out of my heart, I would be okay. “I think it a bit too late for that, my dear.” “You’re using old man speak again.” I made a face. “It’s creepy.” He chuckled. “I’ll try to remember that, but I haven’t been around humans much in the past hundred years. It’s hard to keep up with the changes in common dialect.” “Let’s keep on topic, Jett. You were going to teach me how to control my mind. ↗

— Christie Rich

#change

This has always bothered me. If "Change" is the only constant how can we have absolutes? ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#change

Even if you haven't had the exclusivity conversation, they're still going to be mad if they find out you're dating someone they know and you haven't mentioned it. It's a dating rule." "Well, how am I supposed to know that rule?" "Everyone knows that rule." "I thought you were supposed to be on my side." "I am on your side! ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#dating

Oh my God! You little slut! You want to have a good date with him and want to have ten thousand of his little baseball babies! Cassie!!! ↗

— J. Sterling

#humorous-quotations #dating

My father had bought him a shirt that said “Sure you can date my daughter.  In a completely unrelated topic, have you seen my shotgun? ↗

— Tara Sivec

#dating

I was out of salt so I threw pepper over my left shoulder for luck and the poor guy behind me almost sneezed himself to death. ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#death

It's not what I'd want for at my funeral. When I die, I just want them to plant me somewhere warm. And then when the pretty women walk over my grave I would grab their ankles, like in that movie. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#death #funerals #humorous #death

Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking? ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-but-true #funny-quotes #humor #humorous #diet

Holidays were invented so single women could overeat without feeling guilty. ↗

— Elizabeth Jane Howard

#humorous-quotes #diet