#humorous

If you had a piece of coal, we could hold her down, shove it up her ass, and come collect a big, fat diamond in a few days. ↗

— M. Leighton

#humor

I mean you ACRES of harm,' Dalrymple growled. 'Untold QUANTITIES of harm. I will visit a whole CONTINENT of harm upon you before we are through. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humorous #threats #what-the-hell #humor

As far as the Council is concerned, the U.S. Wardens are a bunch of mushrooms." "Eh?" "Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

There are all kinds of psychological disorders in the West that don't exist in Asia. ↗

— Amy Chua

#humor

I haven't devoured a soul in...What month is this? March? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

Kope!” the other guy yeled. “What the frick?! You got some cheetah blood in you or what?”“Seriously!” insisted Blake. “How did you run so fast?” “I am African.” Without taking his eyes from mine, Kopano eased himself off me, and I sat up. ↗

— Wendy Higgins

#humor

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#inspirational #life #humor

She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #humorous #immaturity #teenagers #teens

...I do have to wonder what sort of childhood the Grimm brothers endured. They are not a merry bunch of storytellers, what with their children roasted by witches, maidens poisoned by old crones, and whatnot. ↗

— Libba Bray

#young-adult #humor

Damn, Marcus, how much have you been working out? You have the ass of a god. He turned to face her, and naturally her gaze fell to his jewels. She shook her head and sighed. You warriors are so fucking hung and I really do need a man. ↗

— Caris Roane

#humor