#humorous

Men always want to be a woman’s first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about these things. What (women) like is to be a man’s last romance. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor

Follow Your Dreams, Except the One Where You’re at School in Your Underwear ↗

— Annabel Monaghan

#dreams

Your ma's dating?" Tim looks shocked. "I thought she pretty much confined herself to a vibrator and the shower nozzle since your dad screwed her over. ↗

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

#dating

Fear is self-awareness raised to a higher level. ↗

— Don DeLillo

#fear #humorous-truism #self-awareness #humor

You stick a bunch of drunken murderers together, ain't long before some turn to thieving, then to lying, then to bad language, and pretty soon to sobriety, raising families and making an honest living. ↗

— Joe Abercrombie

#satire #slippery-slope #family

This sucks the hind teat. ↗

— Patricia Grasso

#family

...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die. ↗

— Joshua Donellan

#humorous #humour #humourous #food

Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel. ↗

— Lloyd Alexander

#comebacks #funny #humor #humorous #silly

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though. ↗

— Robert DeCoteau

#celebrity #funny #humor #humorous #quotes

Webster said, ''Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do. ↗

— Peter Matthiessen

#humorous #funny